More Background Info, Including the Roller Coaster Actions of a Childish Mom

before i get started, i would like to say this.....

k.s mom thinks that she is now "LETTING" me care about k., and "LETTING" me be involved in k.s life??

seriously??

when S. and i first started talking in april 2008, i knew that he had a daughter and that he and the mom would be getting a divorce as soon as he got home from iraq.  was i a little nervous about getting involved with someone who had such a young child (K.turned 2 a few days after S. and i started talking)?  yeah, but thats to be expected.  S. and i actually discussed what our plan of action should be for how long we should wait before i actually MET k., because S. didnt want to introduce someone to k. who wasnt going to be a permanent part of her life (*ahem* at this point i would like to remind you all that k.s mom has introduced so many guys to k., that S. and i have STOPPED counting...)  and when i moved down to NC, i was still nervous, but S. knew that k. would love me, and k. and i got along AWEsome :)  what was the problem?  ill give you one guess....

since i first moved in with S. and became a permanent part of k.s life, k.s mom has CONTINUOUSLY changed her mind about how she feels about it.  when i first moved down there, S. and i were invited to supper at her house, she had no problem whatsoever with me coming into the house with S. to pick up and drop off k....what changed??  im not really sure, but im thinking that k.s moms bipolar tendencies kicked in. 

she would like me, she would be ok with me being around...then a few weeks later she would change her mind and i was not allowed to have anything to do with k., she would tell S. that i wasnt even allowed in her driveway....  and this is the way that its been since.  for a while i wasnt allowed to come in the house.  then she wanted me to make k.s birthday cake for her 3rd birthday party.....then she wanted me to babysit k. while she went to class.....and she sent me emails telling me that she actually feels safer dropping k. off with S. because she knows that im there, and she sees that i care about k. and take care of her......then she taught k. to call me a "bitch" and literally threatened to not finalize hers and S.s divorce if i didnt take the picture i had of k. down from my myspace!!  can anyone say "childish" ??  (she would claim that she didnt want me to have pictures of k. up because she didnt know what kind of friends i had....yeah....i found pictures on the internet of k. being given a bath by the moms current boyfriend...and this picture showed all of k. if you know what i mean....i have always had my pictures private (except for ones that i dont care if the world sees them)  i found this picture of k. on the internet...so dont say anything to me about "privacy"........ )  k.s mom would continuously tell me that IM not k.s mom (no shit) and that i had no say whatsoever in how k. was raised or what her mom did with her.....k.s mom would continuously tell me that i shouldnt have gotten involved with a man who already had a child if i wasnt ready to deal with the mom also.....it got really silly, really fast. 

when i moved back up to maine during S.s second deployment.....k.s mom wanted to bring k. to maine (with her current husband) to meet dude after he was born!!!  i said no, because there was no way that S.s ex wife and her new husband were going to meet dude before he could!!  i said we could set up a skype date for k. to see dude...did it happen? no because the mom thought it would be too confusing for k....way to go underestimating your daughters intelligence.

since S. has come back from iraq, since he and i and dude have moved back to maine, things have gotten worse. 

there were times that k.s mom wouldnt let me OR dude talk to k. on the phone, she threatened to hang up the phone if S. even ASKED k. if she wanted to talk to me.  k.s mom is ok with the fact that k. blames DUDE for S. moving way.  she has threatened to put a restraining order on me so that i cant go near "her" house if we ever come down to visit because dude and i have no reason to be around "her" house......and there have been so many other silly situations that i cant even think about them all right now......

annnnnnnnnd suddenly......k.s mom is the sweetest thing imaginable and decides to keep ME "updated" on k.s progress during her tonsilectomy surgery this past thursday......seriously??  yup, she sent a text saying that k. was giggling hysterically because of the drugs as she was going into surgery.....i told her that S. was at work and to not send me text messages and that she could talk to S. when he got home....she went off about how shes "LETTING" me CARE about k. and her life, about how if i dont want to care about k. with her, then that was my problem......seriously??

ready for my take on the situation??

has this whole situation between me, S., k., and k.s mom been difficult on me since day one?  yeah, it has

i spent A LOT of time with k. while i was living in NC, and im extraordinarily attached to the girl, S. would have visitation with her for a few hours every thursday night, and every other saturday....i saw that little girl grow up...hung out with her, saw her silly side, k. even got to the point where she wanted to call my mom to talk to her, k. would even listen to me when i disciplined her, i was the one making sure that S. didnt give her any more candy or sweet stuff because it was almost supper time, i picked out presents for her, buckled her into her car seat, she would tell me that she loved me.....do i consider k. my daughter? no, but she WILL be my step-daughter one day.  have i done all the things with k. that a mom does with their child? no, i admit that, i NEVER claimed that i wanted to be k.s MOM or that i was trying to take the place of her mom.

so when i have some stupid, bipolar bitch, continuously accusing me of trying to take her place, and telling me to get my own family, well, thats when im just done.

i dont need k.s mom to LET me CARE about k., I DO CARE about k., but that dosnt mean that i need to talk to YOU about her.  i can get information from S. thanks so much.  i dont need you to LET me INTO k.s life....i AM a part of her life, whether you care to admit it or not.....  dont sit there, thinking youre an awesome mom, when youre not.  dont sit there and accuse ME of being the one causing problems in this situation, because im NOT.  i dont sit in the background during conversations that S. is having with k. and run my mouth (yes, occasionally i tell S. he should ask k. about school, or whatever holiday, and suggest things to talk about, and yes i have shouted out that k.s mom is a bitch (when we were on the phone with k.s mom, not while talking to k.).......but k.s mom is ALWAYS on the phone, talking to S. more than k. does, because she is still underestimating her 5 year old daughters intelligence and thinks that S. and k. will have nothing to talk about).  when was the last time i actually talked to k.? hmmm, a few weeks ago, before that? maybe a month.....before that?  who knows....i have stopped being upset by this....because im a hard hearted bitch? nope, because i know that k.s mom is feeding her complete bullshit, and that some day, thank god, k. will realize what truly happened between her mom and dad and me.  S. knows how i feel about his daughter, he knows that i care about her and love her and want the best for her, that i worry about her and the situation shes in by living with her mom and the revolving front door, S. knows these things, and soon k. will too, and thats whats important right now. 

i refuse to walk around on eggshells, wondering what kind of mood k.s mom will be in that particular week.  i refuse to continuously adjust my mood and ways of thinking to k.s mom and how she feels about me that particular week.  i was over her fucking roller coaster attitude a looooong time ago....just like im sure a lot of people around her get tired of it....i was tired of her stupid games a loooong time ago.....i stopped playing a looooong time ago.  S. gets it.  he sees how the psycho bitch reacts to me, how she treats me, and has no problem whatsoever with my actions.

so do i have to be nice to her?  no

am i going to be nice to her? no

do i block out everything she says? yes :)

do i still love and care about my future step daughter? with all my heart.