holy SHIT!! athletes have sex at the Olympics?!?!

big surprise.

but thank you so much Good Morning America for reporting about this.  i for one, do not care about how many condoms were stocked for the athletes.  actually, all in all, i dont care that they have sex, and i dont think that its necessary to report about this.  i didnt realize that we had reverted back to the 50's and finding out that someone was having sex was such a huge news story. 

tell you what, you go ahead and get a ridiculously bangin hot body....go to another country....have the opportunity to have sex with someone else who ALSO has a ridiculously bangin hot body...and tell me what you would do?  ESPECially if youre celebrating the fact that you just kicked ass in front of millions of people......OR if you just lost the biggest game of your life, and you need to get screwed 10 ways from sunday to feel a LITTLE bit better about yourself. 

regardless.....yes, adults do have sex. if its consentual (sp?), does it really need to be reported about on the morning news? 

to all of you Olympic athletes that are going to get laid while in london? good for you!  have fun, use those condoms that were stocked up for you (although some of your babies would be gorgeous), and maybe at some point, you could try to also protest the fact that your uniforms were made in China.......

you think you know so much?

ahhhh its funny!  you claim you know so much about me and my relationship?  well heres your chance sweetheart :) go ahead and send me a message or email or whatever telling me everything YOU know about ME :)  i did it for you..i sent you all those things your "friend" told me about you....so stop the hinting bullshit :)  and you might as well, because i aready know you read my blog...god you make it so obvious!

sadly, the ridiculousness continues....dosnt everyone love drama coming from pathetic exes?

there has been so much happening with S.s ex wife, that there is no way i could possibly keep up with it all on here....but this past sunday we had the most marvelous conversation with her through text message and that conversation definitely deserves a blog!

a little background for the past few months?  its probably necessary....

you would really have to read my past blogs to get the real sense of this ridiculously pathetic girl...how sad and how desperate she is...how much she is not helping S. and his daughter K. maintain any sort of relationship.  lets sum up:  S. and the x. seperated in march of 2008, S. and i started dating online since he was serving his first tour in iraq at the time (yes, she told him she wanted a divorce while he was in iraq, how awesome.)  when he came home, i moved to north carolina to be with S. we have now been together for 4 years and have two amazing children together, and moved to maine in 2010  S. has not seen his daughter since then.  the x.  has asked S. to come back to her. she has repeatedly blocked our phone  number so that S. cannot call his daughter, and instead of fostering a relationship between S. and K, the x. has made things worse.  instead of encouraging her daughter to talk to S.  she has insisted that S. come to north carolina to visit K (and stay in their house) or that K. comes to maine....as long as the x. comes also, even once offering to stay in our house so that we wouldnt have to pay for a hotel room for her.... ???  i find it unnecessary to say much more, i think its obvious that the x. is not only crazy,  but she is also a total bitch.

the latest string of events?  ohhhh where do i start?   i guess it started a month or so ago, when the x. spent her friday night emailing me trying to convince me that she is a good mother and that she has never kept anything from S. about K. and her health.  even though we had recently found out that this poor little girl had to be tested for STDs because she had an infection in her uterous.  she also valiantly tried to get under my skin by talking (again) about how i must feel pretty crappy because S. hasnt married me after 4 years...so what if were engaged?  apparently she thinks that shes pretty special because she got knocked up at 15 and S. married her....? 

if i was her, i wouldnt brag.

the x. is refusing to let S. call K.  our phone number has now been blocked from their house for the past 2 or 3 months....how mature.  the x. is saying that if he wants to talk to K. it can be over skype.  S. has never had a problem with the idea of skyping with K...he just didnt want to see the x. during the conversation he was supposed to be having with K.  because the x. didnt like that, and probably because she wanted to gaze upon the face of the love of her life... skype has never happened.....when S. and the x. were finally able to agree on the situation and a time, it came down to S. would skype with K. on her 6th birthday......the x. then tried the next day to change the time because she had so conveniently forgotten that K. was supposed to be in a gymnastics class at the original agreed upon time.  S. wasnt impressed, and long story short, the skype conversation didnt happen. 

S. also didnt find it necessary to send a birthday present to K.  after the bullshit that he went through at christmas time with her presents, and the x. threatening to not give the presents to K....S. is pretty sure that K. would never receive his presents, or they would be passed off as from the x. 

it has been 3 weeks since K.s birthday....and there have been no phone calls....no communication.  this past sunday, S. sent a text to the x....this is the conversation:

S: I would like to talk to K. today.  What are the chances of that happening?

bitch: Why? You couldnt be bothered to call her on her birthday.  Or even the day after.  You crushed her.  Its been 3 weeks and she is just now ok from the realization that you didnt call.

S: Forget i fucking asked. 
(this is when she went crazy)

bitch: Im not going to ask her just because for thirty seconds youre feeling guilty.  Its not fair to her.  Especially after her birthday and with Fathers Day coming up.  Its not an easy time for a little girl who dosnt have a father willing to give her the world and doing everything he can to be there for her.  Do you understand that?  How it affects her?  Its awful for her.

bitch: Theyre making Fathers Day gifts at school.  And her teacher and I gave K. the option to give it to someone else.  And she decided all on her own that she was going to have an Uncles Day instead and send her gift to Uncle F____ whom she misses very much.

bitch: And when she realized you didnt call for her birthday, she got ridiculously mad.  So mad that when she was put to bed, she refused to go to sleep.  Instead, she took a marker to all of her furniture and drew black x's all over everything.  And she has never done something like that out of anger.  And you can not blame her for being angry.

my response since S was driving?

Lol ok well at least shes straight edge.  Tell F____ we say happy uncles day :)


needless to say, there were no more text messages from her!

some more background information?  F. is one of the many men that the x. has had living at her house since she told S. she wanted a divorce.

lets analyze.  if that phone call had been so important to K. she would have realized that S. hadnt called that day...instead, she didnt realize it until a few days later.  the x. claims that she asks K. all the time if she wants to talk to daddy, but K. always refuses.  so, either the x. isnt really asking, or K. really dosnt want to talk to S...in which case, she shouldnt have been so mad about missing the phone call on her birthday.  it has been over 2 years since S. and K. have seen each other....does S. want to see K.? of course he does....yes he has serious doubts as to whether or not K. is actually his, but he has still thought of K. as his daughter for the past 6 years.  another point.....since it has been so long since K. has seen her daddy...or even talked to him for that matter...how can it be considered S.s fault that K. drew black x's all over everything? really? he has had no influence over K. in a long time... its not like they talked and S. was mean to her or something....reasonably, it should have been just another day for K. that she didnt talk to her daddy.  how can a child be so miserable when she just had a birthday party?  maybe the x, if she really wants some sort of healing time for K, should take down the pics of S. in Ks room, and more importantly, maybe the x should take down the wedding pictures of her and S. that she has in her bedroom!  what a novel idea!!  how sad and pathetic is it that this girl cannot move on from the man that she decided to divorce and still has their wedding picture beside her bed? one of the saddest examples of the x not moving on?  she has "tagged" a picture, on her facebook page, of S. and K.together, and the caption reads "the loves of my life"  HAHAHAHA  really??? all she ever did was talk about how crappy of a husband S. was....it is SAD that she still says that S. is the love of her life....i feel so sorry for her!!  S. even at one point removed this picture from his page, and she REtagged it!!  why?  who knows?  im assuming its because shes crazy.   maybe if K. sees her mom finally moving on, so will she, and she wont hurt anymore.....or you know, maybe the x. could stop having a revolving door at her house and stop being a slut and stop introducing a new man into K.s life every other month.  i think its time that the x starts looking inside her own house to find out why K. is so miserable.

other things to analyze:  WHY are there markers in K.s bedroom when its already known that she has a tendency to draw on her things?  why are the markers not in an area of the house, where she cant get them by herself?  but thats just me.  also.....was every child from a divorced home at that school given the option to give their gifts to someone else?  way to go singling K. out.  aslo, like i said earlier, S. feels extraordinarily detached from K. because the x. has done nothing to foster a relationship (i think i just emphasized that point) does the x really think shes going to hurt S.s  feelings by telling him this?  once we found out that the x had actually started sleeping with other guys before S. left for iraq, S. is wondering even more seriously if K is his daughter.  when S. left for bootcamp in 2005, the x (at that time his girlfriend) started spending an awful lot of time with some other guy...and when we pulled up pictures of him, wow.....K. looks more like that guy than she looks like S.....miraculously, as soon as S. left for bootcamp, the x was knocked up.....way to go trapping a man.

guess what?  i never had to "trap" S.  never.  we decided to.geth.er. to get pregnant.  have S. and i been through a lot of shit, yup.  ive never denied that.  but we are at a point now, where we can communicate effectively and hardly ever argue anymore.  the last argument we had?  it was a few weeks ago and for some reason one day we both had a hair across our asses and we couldnt agree on what pair of shoes to buy for princess.  seriously. we laughed about it later.   we dont get mad at each other and then one of us goes and spends the night in the walmart parking lot in our truck because we need to think things over.  yes, this is what the x did one night with her second husband....she got annoyed at him, then left him at the house with K. and spent the night in her car, the next day telling her husband she wanted a divorce (number 2) after being married for....3 months?  way to go trying to work through your problems. 

some other interesting information?  to tell you all, just so were all clear on the subject....its not S.  that refuses to marry me...he asked me to marry him after we had been talking on the phone for a month...he and i both knew from the moment we met that we were meant to be together.  S. would marry me tomorrow....we have not married yet because of ME...I have been the one saying "not yet", because i want a real huge blow out beautiful wedding...not a justice of the peace wedding, which by the way, the x has had 2 of.  is there anything  wrong with a JOP wedding? no of course not, but its not what i want. i find it hilarious that the x thinks she can get under my skin and make me feel bad about the fact that S and i havent married yet while he married her while she was pregnant. um, nope. try again sweetheart.  it must really suck for her, to know, deep down, that he married her only because she was pregnant.  he felt bad for her, and knew that there was no way she would ever make it on her own...because she was, and still is, so immature. 

in short....S. and i have come to realize, that there is no forward progress when youre arguing with a pathetic little girl who can not see that she is also to blame.  she is continuously blaming S.talking about how abusive he was (where are the police reports), saying that it was the best for her daughter to get a divorce (yes, shes so happy isnt she?), saying that S. should be spending all his money on K. and coming down to see her (because, you know, S. dosnt have another family that actually loves him or anything and he needs to think of them first).  this sad little girl will never be able to move on, and she will never be able to accept any blame.

its really sad, and really hysterical all at the same time!  S. and i feel nothing but pity for this sad excuse of a mother....and look forward to the day when we can explain to K. ourselves what really happened.

i almost threw up while writing this one

*WARNING* 

this blog is about the death of a 2.5 month old baby and will be somewhat explicit.  if you feel you will have any problems while reading this, you should stop now. 

seriously.

yes, it is the end of may, obviously i have had problems with keeping up my resolve to write more often, sue me.  and honestly, it has taken me some time to write this blog because it literally makes me sick to my stomach just thinking of this man and what he did.

at the beginning of may, as i was sitting down to supper with S. and dude eating sandwiches and watching the news, a horrible, horrible story came on....and while listening, i literally put my sandwich down and almost had to run to the bathroom before i threw up all over the rug.  it was close.  no, i didnt throw up, but then i almost burst into tears..... i couldnt finish my supper to say the least.  and i hugged my kids extra that night, and every day and night since i heard about this.

there was a man, whos girlfriend had recently given birth to their twin babies.  this man was having problems adjusting to parenthood, and one day, he became frustrated because one of the twins wouldnt stop crying. so, in anger, the man picked this 2.5 month old baby up by his head, squeezed his head, then threw him into a nearby chair, hearing the babys neck snap as he landed.

if i saw this man in person, i wouldnt even ask him what the fuck was going through his head.  i would just fucking tear him apart and spit on him.  literally.

this poor, defenseless, small angel, had severe brain damage, and died in the hospital a few days later.

if you would like more information, here is a link:

 http://bangordailynews.com/2012/05/11/news/portland/arundel-man-makes-first-court-appearance-in-death-of-2%C2%BD-month-old-son/

my heart is breaking as im writing this, and i want to bawl, and throw up.

how. the. fuck. can any person do something so fucking heinous??
 (yes, i do apoligize for my stronger than usual language, but i feel this situation warants a lot of swearing.)

i understand that some people have a hard time adjusting to parenthood.  i know how trying it can be.  i know that somedays i want to go crazy from hearing "right ma?"  a million times from my son.  yes S. and i are ridiculously tired somedays, yes we are frustrated somedays and we may yell at dude, or spank him when he is being completely out of line. but, we also go to great lengths to protect our children and make sure that they are happy and tickled often and as happy as we can possibly make them.  there are times (just about every night actually) that i stare at my babies just to make sure that they are still breathing because it is my worst fear that something will ever happen to them. 

how can any person resort to something so disgusting as to kill their own child??

its not only women who can suffer from post partum depression, yes men can have it too.  having a baby is a huge change.  but if there is any one out there who is feeling so frustrated that they are thinking about hurting someone so small, they need to seek immediate help.  there are so many places that will give you help, thats what theyre there for.  ladies, you need to be attentive to the man in your life, whether he is the father of your child(ren) or not, and see how he handles these situations....and the same goes for men.  they need to pay attention to how women are handling new parenthood because sadly, women sometimes go to these lengths also.  at this point, even though my heart breaks for the mother of this baby, i also blame her.  this man had also at one point fractured the same babys arm while changing his diaper because he was frustrated that the baby wasnt "cooperating."  um.  really?  how did the mother not see at this point that drastic measures had to be taken? 

parents need to remember something....when you look at your child, one of the first things that should always go through your mind is...."he/she is so small, so fragile." 

we may feel our kids are rough and tumble when they reach a certain age, but they are still smaller than us.

there is something that my parents and grandparents always say....and even though sometimes when im tired and frustrated its annoying to hear it again, i know deep down that they are right......"a baby crying is a good thing, because it means its alive and healthy."  they are right.  your child is the most amazing gift you could ever receive.  i was hugging my son before bed tonight and as i was smelling him all sunshine and sunscreen and peanut butter, all i coud think was, "you are the most amazing thing in the world."   as i play with my daughter, who just cut her first tooth and smiles back at me with my smile and smells like the nasty formula smell all i can think is "you are the most amazing thing in the world." 

how can any parent not feel the same way? 

i think i may have to stop writing, before i go on for hours and hours about children and how they should be treated with love and respect and handled like the precious cargo they are. 

this man, however, this man who killed his own son?  he is a piece of shit.  i honestly hope he dies in prison, and rots for eternity in hell.  there are very few things i will make such a strong statement about, so i hope that you who know me personally, will see how strongly i feel about this subject.

go hug your babies extra tonight, and every day from now on and thank whatever god you want that you were able to receive such an amazing gift.  and remember this when they cry, or theyre annoying, or youre tired....they are smaller than you and they are all of the best parts of you. 

feeding your kids like a bird?

so. this story was in the news...a few...weeks ago?  yeahhhhh i mentioned my writers block in my last blog right?  well, sometimes when i see funny stuff, or something funny happens, i write notes and get back to it later.  in this case A LOT later. whatever.

alicia silverstone was shown on the news feeding her son like a bird.  yes.  as in the food was in her mouth, then she spit the food INTO HER SONS MOUTH.

what. the. fuck? 

look, i am in no way saying that i am the worlds greatest mom by any means.  i yell sometimes.  i get very frustrated sometimes.  sometimes, i even SPOON food into my 2 year old sons mouth because hes being incredibly wicked stubborn and wont finish his peas but i know that if i PUT the peas into his mouth with his spoon...he will eat them. with gusto.  but what i witnessed this woman doing was just...gross. 

have i wiped snot from my sons nose? yes.  have i stuck my face near his butt to figure out whether or not hes shit his pants? yes.  have i wiped pee from his leg with my hand because it was the closest thing available while hes peeing into the toilet, and he ended up peeing on his leg instead, then washed my hands after? yes. have i gotten shit on my hand while trying to change his dirty underwear while we were potty training him? yes. are all of these things pretty friggen gross? yup, ill admit. with gusto.  they are ALL things that i honestly never thought that i would be doing while i was in that blissfully ignorant state of my first pregnancy.....but these things happen. 

but as much as i love my children with all my heart, i will never. feed. them. from. my. own. mouth.

well, maybe if it was the end of the world-apocalypse-type shit going on and i needed a way to feed princess or something. i guess someone can never really say "never."

so i will say that i would never do this on any regular, run-of -the-mill day.

a comment that one doctor had to say about this?  the human mouth is one of the dirtiest things in the world.

another comment?  what are you really doing for your kid? oh yeah, youre not helping him learn how to feed himself.  you know, thats a pretty important skill to have nowadays.

i dont care if your son likes the soup you were eating. get him a fucking spoon and teach him to use it.  who cares if the area surrounding you and your son gets covered in soup in the process?  trust me, he'll figure it out eventually.

the only other thing i have to say on this subject?  that if this is the new trend, well hell.....im way ahead of the friggen trend because to be completely honest with you, i was doing this shit when my son was about 11 months old.  this was the result.

nailed that shit. dead. on.

obviously im joking.  get a sense of humor.  S. and I actually teach our kids to feed themselves regardless of the ridiculously horrible end result.  was a bath necessary?  oh yeah.  there was no way that a washcloth was going to make a dent in that mess. 

but hey, thats parenting.

a disappointing start to the lawn/garage sale season

ive been suffering from major writers block lately....maybe not writers block...maybe...laziness?  maybe at the end of the night when the kids are sleeping id rather have a beer?  yeah, maybe.  maybe ill just completely blame pinterest.  yup.  that would make more sense.  if there is anyone out there that has not at least looked at this sight...well, im impressed by your will power. it is obviously a lot better than my own.  this sight can suck the living soul out of you..or at least it seems that way when you look up from your computer and realize that youve been looking at recipes and crafts that in all likelihood you will never do.  i justify my pinterest obsession by saying..."yes, i did make that one brussel sprouts dish, and it was amazing."  i should do more of these things that i pin.  so i will keep pinning on the off chance ill ever have the time to get around to it in between bottles and changing diapers and washing laundry and picking up the crayons that my son has yet again thrown all over the living room.

i will try harder to write more often.....

anyways.

last week as i was perusing the local online newspaper (in between pinning recipes for cheesecake) i came across the first major garage sale of the "season".  it was actually considered a "moving" sale...but oh holy god they had one item advertised that made my heart sing out for S. because he has been wanting this for so long...a chainsaw!!!  i almost woke him up...but refrained.  i knew he would be wicked excited, not only because he might be able to pick up yet another tool cheaply, but also because i know that he actually loves lawn sales as much as i do and its a major indication that summer is truly around the corner.  so i told him when he woke up.  his eyes lit up like it was christmas.  i swear to god.  soooooooo we planned all week to go to this lawn sale on saturday (thank goodness he had the day off!) even though the sale was officially starting at 8am (*gasp*).  on saturday morning, we all got up early (well, princess slept like her normal dead-log self, so we put her into her carseat and packed a bottle) and hit the road, picking up dunkin donuts on the way.  the dude was ecstatic to say the least.  hes as much a sucker for donuts as his dad is.  we got to that friggen lawn sale 10 minutes early...and everything was already GONE. including the much coveted chainsaw.  *tear*  not only was everything gone (except for some records, a bread machine, and some tupperware) but there were so many people there that we checked our car clock to make sure we werent late!  it was crazy!  im pretty sure that we werent the only family in the area eagerly anticipating the start of lawn sale season.  S. even went up to the couple who were selling everything and asked about the chainsaw.  this mans response?  "oh, people have been coming by all week.  it was one of the first things to go."  um. seriously?  how is it that you advertise something like this, then sell things during the week before the actual sale.  look, i understand that youre trying to make money and get rid of your shit because youre moving.  but, come on.  jeez.  he probably could have made more money if he set up some sort of auction for that freaking chainsaw.  we were so disappointed in this garage sale, that we drove around town for the next half hour or so hoping with all our hearts that someone else maybe, possibly, was having a garage sale too.  no such luck.  one of the good things about this major disappointment of a garage sale?  we were up so early that we got a ridiculous amount of random things done around the house that day. 

im pretty sure S. would have preferred the chainsaw. 

ridiculous potty training story involving poop and me laughing so hard that i cry

*WARNING*

*if you have any sort of issues with poop, or problems with, or aversions to poop stories, or a strong gag reflex, stop reading.  :P  *

although S. and i have been talking about potty training dude for some time now, we randomly decided last night to gird our loins and throw ourselves into the business at hand head first (could i have mentioned any more body parts in that sentence? probably. ).

now, we didnt EXactly decide to potty train this weekend "randomly"...it has been talked about and planned for quite some time now.  we had WANTED to train dude by the time he turned 2 (last november), obviously that didnt happen.  was it because we were scared of the situation?  was it because we knew we would be moving out of that apartment soon and didnt want him to regress with the move?  was it because we knew that princess would be born soon and we didnt want him to regress out of jealousy? sure. to all of those possibilites.  was it more likely that we were just unsure of ourselves and had no freaking idea what we were doing despite all of the friendly advice that has been given to us since dude was born? um, yes. 

so we talked, and talked, and talked to dude about potty training (not a good idea by the way, to say "potty train" because the only thing the dude would hear was "train" and think we were going to watch a train movie.  i suggest saying ""pee on the toilet" ).  we always asked the dude if he wanted to pee on the toilet, we bought some "big boy" underwear and showed them to dude, but the time never seemed right.

so we finally said "were doing this. starting first thing tomorrow morning.  thats it."  (the dude just turned 28 months, i think what we were mentally saying was: "its time." )  we asked the dude if he wanted to pee on the toilet like a big boy, he said "yeah" and it was a done deal (but honestly it would have happened even if he had said "no" HA.)

the beginning of the morning was rough.  the dude didnt like sitting on his brand new super ultra f*cking cool bought just for him "Cars" potty seat first thing in the morning, when he had just woken up, and hadnt even had the chance to cuddle with me on the couch for a few minutes.  i dont blame him, im pretty cranky in the morning too and im also awesome to cuddle with first thing in the morning...i mean, all the time.

after that, things progressed nicely, with some peeing in his pants problems (we got rid of diapers cold turkey, no pull ups) , and sitting on the toilet every 20 minutes or so, etc etc, honestly, things were going pretty good all things considered.  we thought it was going to be A LOT worse. 

then, i realized he had pooped while playing.

i automatically lay him down on the floor, this is what ive done for the past almost 2 years (like i mentioned before, we dont have the space for a changing table) got his pants off, then started to pull his brand new super ultra f*cking cool bought just for him monster truck underwear.  now, i thought this was going to be his run of the mill pretty hard poop.  but it apparently wasnt hard enough.  because as i was pulling his underwear down (remember, hes on his back) the underwear turned inside out and as they were at about his knees, and his legs are raised up in the air, the poop falls out of his underwear.

and lands on his shin with a juicy, loud SPPPPLATTTT. 

awesome.

in the 2 seconds this happened, my jaw dropped and i froze.  shocked that there was now a huge pile of poop on my sons shin.

during this situation, S. is sitting on the couch...he automatically starts laughing, i dont blame him.  i was already laughing at this point and dude is looking at me like, "what is so funny?"  im crying from laughing so hard at this point.  between my tears i see S. come over to help.  we both have wipes in our hands, dude now has poop on his opposite foot from being a squirm monster, i admit that i got poop on one of my fingers from trying to hold him still....the laughter and tears continued to flow freely. 

we all got cleaned up, got dude onto the toilet again, and continued with the potty training.

S.s suggestion?  that if dude poops his pants again, that we stand him UP to get his underwear off.

and weve laughed about it all day.  i guess when youre cleaning up pee and poop and doing laundry all day, and your day is set to a timer as to when you have to sit your kid on the pot again....you have to find something ridiculous to laugh about.  :)

When Do I Get to Throw a Tantrum?

our son, "the dude" is 28 months old....such a big boy, an awesome big brother, sweet, handsome.

hes also 2.  thats the crappy part.

the temper tantrums are starting to make me go insane, as im sure they are making S. go insane...at a slightly slower pace since he goes to work during the day.  the fact that he is going insane slower than i am will be good in the long run.  he will be able to stay with the kids while i crawl into a hole somewhere and curl into the fetal position and hum softly to myself.  no, no humming actually.  because probably any noise whatsoever at that point will send me down a spiral of tears and shaking.

im slightly exaggerating.  slightly.

like i have acknowledged before.  i GET it, i really do....i think maybe "god"  or whatever higher power there is up there, sends 2 year olds into our lives so that we will be able to deal with teenage girls at some point...either as the parent of one, or sibling, or whatever.  (i apologize to princess in advance, since i know shell probably read this when shes a teenager or something and will think "thanks a fucking lot mom".)  or maybe god put me through an emotional crappy point of life (being a teenage girl) so that i would be able to deal with my 2 year olds when they came around eventually.  whatever the case, i GET dudes emotions.  i know it sucks to feel like youre not getting any attention, i.e, theres a new baby in the house.  or when your show gets turned off, even though youre not watching it anymore....but you know, of course it makes sense to flip shit when your favorite movie gets turned off because youre in your bedroom playing with your cars instead of in the living room watching the movie and your mother would rather watch "days of our lives" instead of "cars" for the freaking 1000th time.....but i digress.  i understand that dude feels like he dosnt get enough attention from daddy when he gets home from work....it used to be daddy and dude time, but now sometimes daddy has to take princess so i dont shoot myself in the foot for an excuse to leave the house for a few hours. 

i feel bad for dude sometimes, seriously.  im sure its incredibly confusing to him to have so many changes in his life.  some days he is so incredibly sweet, waking up with a smile and a "hey mama" and he comes and sits with me on the couch, and dosnt make a ridiculous mess while eating breakfast.  then it all goes completely downhill.  downhill roller coaster fast.  ridiculously fast.  so that im standing there with my head spinning wondering where the hell my awesome son went and where the hell this demon child came from.  his head dosnt spin, but sometimes he spins in circles.  in the kitchen.  then chases the cat. jumps on her. pulls her tail.  i yell.  he cries.  rinse and repeat.  until about 5pm when daddy comes home.  then daddy takes my place while i sit outside chain smoking and contemplating curling up into the fetal position and humming to myself and dreading the fact that i have to go back inside to cook supper.

the most notable of these famous tantrums?  yesterday. definitely yesterday.  i have to be honest, i have completely forgotten why dude flipped out, but he did. it was bad.  so, we very calmly told dude that we werent mad at him or anything, but that he had to go into his room and sit on his bed until he calmed down and then we would have supper.  he didnt calm down.  the crying and screaming continued for a good ten minutes before i finally went in there because it was at the point that i was afraid he was going to make himself sick.  i know i have said before that we dont "coddle" dude during his breakdowns, but this was bad.  so i sat with him, was calm, tried to talk to him over the screaming, then finally gave up and just sat with him.  a few minutes later even S. came in.  we talked to him some more, tried to tell him again that we werent mad at him that he just had to calm down.  what finally got him out of this breakdown?  when i started telling him what we were going to eat for supper and i got the point of "biscuits."  honestly.  he heard the word "biscuits" and it was like the freaking faucet turned off and he did a complete 180 and got down off his bed calmly and walked into the kitchen.  what the FUCK?  my reaction?  "okaayyyyyy.   lets eat." 

my mom likes to tell stories of how, at dudes age, i, being the sweet, gentle, loving little girl i was (hahaha im exaggerating of course), would break into waterworks if my dad looked at me and said "______ eat your supper"  in the nicest, most loving way.  i would just break down, lose my mind at the dinner table.  is this payback?  im pretty sure that if my mom is reading this, she is nodding her head while very emphatically saying "YES" and laughing.  payback is a bitch, in case any of you out there didnt already know that.

back to my original question, when do i get to throw a temper tantrum? 
maybe if i ever get pregnant again? 
now im sure that S. is laughing at this point if hes reading this. 

last night princess went to sleep pretty hard, i was rocking her in her cradle until 11pm or so, then she was up at 3am (im pretty sure one of the cats woke her up and if i figure out which one i might kick it...no, i would never do that, jeez.  im just trying to make a point).  as im walking around the room trying to put on pajama pants in a blurry not quite awake fuzz, i can see S. sit up in bed, but its obvious he is no where near awake, im pretty sure he was sitting up with his eyes still shut. so i get the princess and bring her into the living room to change her diaper and make a bottle.  we use her pack and play as a changing table (lets be honest, there is no room for a changing table at this new place) and as ive got her all unwrapped i realize there are no diapers readily available in the pack and play....and that there is also an old diaper, all wrapped up, that S. didnt take care of when he changed her before bed.  i just about lost my damn mind.  i grab another diaper, throw the other one away, the whole time screaming at S. in my head because i didnt want to scare princess or wake up dude by screaming at S. out loud.  i get the bottle made, after i WASH one out, almost fall asleep while giving it to princess on the couch, then we do fall asleep on the couch, because it was almost 4am at this point and i didnt want to go back to bed and listen to S.s alarm go off at 4:30.  at about 5am S. gives me a kiss to say "see ya" because hes headed out the door, and apparently the look on my face was pretty bitchy because he says those magic words that usually will make any woman even MORE mad, "are you mad at me"  of course i say "yes"  at this point i have to give him credit, because even though he should be leaving for work, he sits down on the coffee table and asks me why.  i tell him.  im not nice about it.  he says, "ok.  have a good day ______"  and he leaves.  im pissed. angry. livid.  but for a split second im sad that i wasnt a little bit nicer about it because thats really not a good way to start the day, you know, listening to someone bitch at you as youre about to leave for work, or to be bitching at someone at 5am.  like i said, sad for a split second, then i fell back asleep.  when i woke up, i was mad again.  but after working out my frustrations by keeping myself really busy all day, and having numerous conversations with S. in my head in which i yell at him about everysinglefuckingthing he has ever done wrong....i calmed down.  and S. came home.  and weve had a good night, and talked about the situation a little bit, and cleared some things up.  and i even apologized for being a bitch.  but i didnt apologize for feeling the way i did, that would be silly. 

i kind of wish i had thrown a tantrum.  just a little. it seems like i have come to a point in my life, where even when its a little necessary that i lose my shit, i dont, because of the kids.  thats not fair in. the. least. 

i think i might have to pick up kickboxing or something. 
and pretend im throwing a tantrum while throwing punches.

Cat Shit

a brief glimpse into the craziness that sometimes happens even when the kids are asleep...

sooooo...S. and i have the two cats along with the kiddos.  S. gave galore to me on our 2 year anniversary, and S. was basically followed home by tulah last summer.  galore is gray and white and because of the pattern on her head, it looks like shes wearing a helmet.  tulah is calico and long haired...to the point that its a little annoying because ive never had a long haired cat before.  neither of our cats are "fixed".  why? you may ask....well, because we dont let either of the cats go outside, and because we dont really have the money for it, but BEcause we dont let them outside, we figured this was ok.  when galore started going into heat, it was pretty annoying, but weve gotten to the point where we can deal with the yowling for a few days a month....and were pretty sure that tulah is starting to go into heat now too.

since were pretty sure that tulah is starting to go into heat, when she started up with the yowling last tuesday, i didnt think anything of it.  then i kept noticing her licking her ass....not like its anything out of the ordinary....i figured she was either trying to clean up, or trying to get rid of her, ahem, "itch".  but she kept doing it, so i pointed it out to S. that night.....whatever.  we put the dude to bed, we stay up a while, then we put princess to bed, and as im, um, changing into my pajamas (?) for bed, S. starts getting all mad because tulah is dragging her ass on the carpet a la any sort of dog....it was actually pretty funny!  but because S. is mad, i say, "well, lets check her butt, maybe she has worms"  (i said this because i know we have some fleas in the house, because we just moved into a new appartment where the previous renters had lots of dogs, so worms would be the next step..)  so, S. picks up tulah, and i lean over to lift up that nice fluffy long haired tail to find.....

cat shit stuck in the long fur around her butt.

*heavy sigh*

im actually laughing hysterically at this point.  why? well, im not really sure.  maybe it was because it was 10:30 at night, maybe it was because ive never had to clean cat shit out of my cats butt hair before, maybe it was because S. was pretty annoyed by this point...whatever the reason...i was laughing a lot!!

so, S. held tulah as i tried to grab at the culprit with some paper towels....it didnt work.  i tell S. im going to have to cut it out.

S. puts on his winter jacket and gloves, grabs at tulah...she runs.  we get her into the bathroom...but as S. is trying to get her into a position where he can hold her and i can take the scissors to the troubled area, galore is freaking out because tulah is crying and galore keeps trying to jump up on me and S.

we kick galore out of the bathroom.

some more craziness ensues as S. wrestles tulah to the floor.

the end result of this scene is....me (in my "pajamas") on my knees on the bathroom floor holding the door shut with my foot to keep galore out and tulah in, S. holding tulah down on the floor on her side, tulahs yowling/hissing, S. is complaining about how she bit him through his gloves, and im lifting up her tail and trying to cut out the piece of crap stuck in her butt hair while also trying to do it Quickly so she dosnt move and i end up stabbing her somewhere.....i finish...we let tulah go.  we go to bed, laughing. 

tulah didnt sleep with us all night.

yes, this is our life.

im a jerk? no YOU"RE a jerk.

i swear to god.  when S. and i are playing around with dude, he tells us were "jerks"

this is, actually, hilarious to us.

you all might be wanting some explanation about this behavior....read on. 

are S. and i "traditional" parents?  um, maybe.  kinda. sorta?  whatever it is that we ARE classified as parenting wise, i wouldnt say that we are........"up to the times" ?  "current" ?  whatever you might call it.  yes, we yell at dude (and im VERY sure we will yell at princess too), dude has been spanked, he has been put in time out, we dont discuss his feelings for long periods of time when he throws a temper tantrum....he is told to go chill out by himself somewhere and he can come back to the group when hes sufficiently chilled out.  he is made to eat all of his meal, whatever it may be, he is in no way coddled....well, you know, unless hes actually hurt.  but if hes told a hundred times to say, not run in the kitchen, but he does and he slips on the rug and he falls and busts his butt, our reaction is something along the lines of, "are you ok? you are? well, we TOLD you not to run in the kitchen...how did that work out for you?"  all said while we continue to do what we were initially doing.  are we heartless? not in any way whatsoever, we love dude like crazy and are continuously talking about how awesome he is.  but he IS 2, and he needs to figure some of this shit out himself.

other examples....we have told him hes a brat, a booger, that hes a poopy head and that he stinks when he has a shitty diaper (and he laughs. just so you know).  S. and dude play really rough, pretend slapping each other, rolling around and wrestling, and one of S.s favorite things to say to dude?  "youre a jerk."  quite a few months ago, dudes response started to be, "no, youre a jerk."  with a huge smile on his face.  needless to say, S. laughed hysterically and its become their "thing". 

dude is a total sweetheart, cuddles with both of us all the time, says "sweet dreams, love you" on his way to bed,  when he accidentally hits me he says "sorry mama" as he kisses whatever part he hit, he kisses and hugs all of his toys, and his sister, the cats, and gives his "baby dinosaur a "pacifier" and carries it around like a baby. 

but there are other times that he is a total......guy.  one night, he was laying on the floor next to me, he rubbed my head and pushed the hair away from my eyes and said, "i love you mama"  and i got a little choked up.....i told him, "awwwee buddy, i love you so much, youre so sweet"  and he immediately said to me, "shut up. stop it."  my jaw dropped.  S. laughed. a lot.  i (gently) pushed my son, and told him he was a booger.  while i was smiling of course. 

are we possibly raising a boy that will give off major mixed signals to his lady friends? im a little concerned about it.  but at this point, hes so charming that he gets away with it.  dont worry ladies, ill make sure that he can do all the manly things around the house, and know how to clean the house, and he will in no way be an actual jerk to whoever is living with him.

 but for now, hes a jerk :)

ghost baby?

before you all freak out and get weird, finish reading the post.

something has happened a few times and its made me think.....  continue reading before you really freak out.

so, sometimes, randomly, i can feel a twinge in my belly that completely reminds me of when i was still pregnant and princess was kicking.  the most recent time it happened, i was laying on my stomach (which is silly, because when did i EVER lay on my belly while i was pregnat with either princess or dude?) and i KNEW that what i was feeling was my pulse because it was so steady, and, well, you just know its your pulse.  but it felt exactly like being kicked by your baby while pregnant.  i dont remember the other time quite as well, but i remember the feeling it evoked.  for a few seconds it was like i was pregnant again and i felt that same elation that is felt when you feel your baby moving inside of you. 

what is UP with this?

the feeling is so strong, that i kind of have to remind myself that princess is sleeping in her cradle, not in my belly.  i dont remember having any of these feelings after giving birth to dude.....but maybe i was so sleep deprived that i didnt notice anything.  im pretty sure that by this point, im used to the whole "no sleep" thing. 

is this a weird form of post partum depression?  is this something akin to "ghost limbs"? you know, when a person loses a limb, but can still feel it itch sometimes.  is my body somehow mourning the baby that could have been?  of course dont get me wrong, i LOVE princess with all of my heart, just like i LOVE dude with all of my heart, but isnt it true that the mother always vaguely mourns the baby that she could have had?  as in, my dude COULD have been a girl, whose hair i could put in bows....and princess COULD have been another boy that i could have dressed in ridiculous amounts of camo....

when i say "post partum depression" dont get me wrong....i have had no feelings of depression whatsoever, im so happy with my family and my babies, but.....i dont know, these weird kicking feelings in my belly are making me think hardcore.  is it my body telling me to have another baby?  am i crazy to be thinking this already at this point? um. yes. yes i am. and i know it.  S. would say the same thing and he is very firm on the idea of having no more kids.....but i definately get baby fever with these twinge/kick feelings in my stomach at random times of the day. 

my pregnancy with princess wasnt exactly "hard" or "complicated" but i know for a fact that many people, including S. and my parents are glad that its over...i was known to be a hardcore bitch this time around....personally, i think they thought this because 1) S. wasnt around while i was preggo with dude (he was serving a second tour in iraq)  and 2) i think my parents choose to NOT remember what it was like while i was living with them while preggo with dude.  but regardless, i was known to be a bitch, and emotional, you know, those normal pregnancy things.  i had WICKed acid reflux, and my back was sore all the time, and i was ridiculously tired because of the 2 year old in my life.  so when i think of all of those things, i also wonder if i DO want any more children (ive been known to say that i want 3 or 4).  approximately one day after princess was born i thought to myself..."wait.  shit.  i forgot about going through the "teething" thing again."  and i got REALLY scared and nervous and thought for a split second of sending her back. 

but then i looked at her face and wanted a hundred more just like her...and dude too.

am i doomed to always be thinking of "ghost baby"? 

do i want more children?  do i want to deal with the tiredness? the freaking craziness that is my house already plus MORE?  the diapers? the baby poop? burp cloths?  spending money on little girl tights, and bows, and little boy baseball hats, and formula, and plastic cups in bright rainbow colors? 

um. yes.  because that first time that that baby smiles at you breaks your heart.  thats why.


sooooo, ghost baby....will we ever meet?

the days when you want to strangle someone

those days are irritating. to say the least.

S. and i, and of course the babies, just moved to a new apartment.  my mom watched dude and princess for us, and dad helped us because we literally had 2 days in which to move a shitload of stuff.... and we moved into a slightly smaller space....so now there are boxes everywhere, i have no idea where ANYthing is...so that is incredibly frustrating when i have 2 people who are constantly asking me where such and such is...and by 2 people i mean S. and dude...obviously princess dosnt talk yet.   

the move itself went fairly well, S. and i were very anxious to get out of a bad situation with our neighbors and landlord, and the weekend was nice, so like i said, easy enough.  but by sunday night, after we had the babies back, and i had broken 6 fingernails (yeah its a little thing, but its painful sometimes you know?) a very sore back and butt muscles from going up and down the stairs hundreds of times....i was pretty much exhausted and done. 

then monday, dude was out of control and whiney and freaking out all day.  look, i get it.  hes 2.  this move is stressful for him too.  i seriously understand.  even though his room is set up and his favorite toys are out, obviously he dosnt really understand whats going on.  then when S. got home from work, we went over to our old nieghbors house (the neighbors that we had liked) because they had offered to cook us supper so we wouldnt have to also deal with making supper during the move.....so of course dude was going crazy because he got to hang out with his 2 "girlfriends" and wouldnt really eat, sooooo.....he climbed into my lap to eat his soup....and proceeded to dump an entire mug of milk all over himself and me. 
literally.

it was all i could do to not scream. 

it was my breaking point. 

i gently set him down on the floor.  took the towel that was offered to me.  wiped up the milk.  very quickly downed the rum and coke i had been given when we arrived.  and finished my soup.

 i think i deserve some credit for not strangling anyone. 

why was this the breaking point for me?  because of the incredibly fast move, i cant find any pants of mine that are clean, and do not have holes in them (meaning the crotch or butt) so that i can wear them in public.  the last pair that i had that was decent? yeah, those are the pants that got drenched in milk. so now they smell disgusting.  and even though the washer is hooked up, the dryer needs some sort of adapter because the plug-in isnt what we need......all small problems? yeah.  can they be fixed easily? yes.  but between S. working and me trying to unpack and make the apartment livable while entertaining a 2 year old and feeding princess....these things might not happen until this weekend.

i guess im done bitching about something ridiculously small and insignifigant....but trust me, it didnt seem small and insignifigant at the time.  i dont really have to go anywhere for the next couple of days anyway....so i guess dude and princess and S. will have to be ok with seeing some holes in the ass of my jeans.

one of the funny things about this move?  S.s ex wife.  yes you read that right.

we texted her on sunday afternoon to ask if S. could call his daughter k. later that night because he was busy moving. 

her response?  "i will ask her if she wants to talk to you. and as per our agreement you need to update me on your current address, and employers name and address." 

our response? "as per our agreement you are supposed to be keeping me informed of ______'s health and you still havent told me what happened last tuesday" (k. had to go to the doctor because she is LOSING weight, she is almost 6 and only 32 pounds, {{meanwhile, dude is 2 and 29 pounds}}, oh and there is blood in her urine, and apparently has been there for quite some time. awesome.  S. texted her about 3 times every night last week to find out what happened....did he get any sort of response? obviously not.) 

the part about keeping k's mom updated on S.s employer?  thats funny because as soon as k's mom got the child support agency involved in the situation...yeah, we DONT have to keep HER informed on S.s info...we have to keep the CHILD SUPPORT agency informed.  silly girl. 


oh, and S. never got to talk to k. because apparently 5 year olds cant be told to talk to their fathers.

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

is it possible, in any way whatsoever, to get carpal tunnel from patting your babies back and/or butt all. the. time??

because im pretty sure thats what happening to me.

our daughter, "princess," is now almost 8 weeks old, and sometimes i swear she has a look on her face that conveys...."whatever slave. just keep patting my butt/back/whatever body part you want to pat so im distracted enough that i wont cry."  honestly. 

another interesting conclusion that S. and i have come to in the past 2 months? 

we. will. never. buy. huggies. diapers.

princess has had numerous NASTY blow out shitty diapers....as in, shit running down her leg and making it necessary to do ANOTHer load of laundry.  i want to puke when this happens.  S. has seen only one of these miraculous happenings because of his work schedule..i have been subjected to many.  apparently princess likes to poop (if thats what you can call it) mid morning.  at least the laundry is done in a timely fashion instead of having to do it at night.  you may be asking, how this relates to huggies diapers?  because we received them as a gift, so we use them, but these were what she was wearing EVERY SINGLE TIME this has happened...if YOURE the person who gave them to us, im sorry im complaining, i know it was a gift, but we cant deal.  we have been using them up BEcause they were a gift, and theres no sense in getting rid of them.....thank god theyre almost gone...now i just mentally cross my fingers whenever i put one on her that she wont shit in the next hour or so....or i make sure to put a pampers on her if its midmorning...why is it necessary to schedule the time of day that i put certain diapers on my daughter??